How to speak to the deepest part of a person’s motivation—ethically, persuasively, and lastingly A Story to Set the Stage Late one rainy evening a friend phoned me in triumph: I ran five kilometers for the first time in my life! Just three weeks earlier he could barely jog a block. What changed? A trainer had stopped telling him “You should exercise” and instead said, You strike me as the kind of man who keeps promises to himself. Those twelve words reframed running from a chore into proof of character. Every kilometer became an act of identity maintenance—powerful, sticky, self‑reinforcing. That is identity shaping in action. What Identity Really Means Psychologists define identity as the self‑story we carry: the roles we play (parent, designer), the traits we claim (curious, resilient), the values and tribes we cherish. It behaves like a mental filter. When a new idea arrives, the brain asks a single question: “Does this fit who I am?” Match? Adoption feels natural, almo...